CONFLICT MANAGEMENT STRATEGIC MESSAGES

STRATEGIES OF ACCOMMODATION

1. Apology Ritual

A. "I'm sorry..........................................

Apologies are strategies which are used to admit blame, obtain a pardon, or reduce negative repercussions for a particular action. Minor breaches of conduct often call for apology rituals-a rapid, unthinking, "I'm sorry" or "Pardon me".

2. Tag Question

A. "We should __________________, shouldn't we?

B. "The outline does not look very good, do you think ?" The tag question is a strategy which makes a direct statement but also includes a question which invites the other's opinion. It is midway between an outright statement and a yes-no question. Like many strategies they can be interpreted differently. They may promote collaboration by inviting the other's's opinion. But they can also be interpreted as uncertainty, indecision, or lack of knowledge. The question tag tends to make a direct statement of opinion less forceful.

3. Disclaimers

A. "Don't get me wrong I would never ever presume to be bossy but..."

B. "I certainly could be wrong, but...."

C. "I know this sounds crazy but my intuition tells me."

D. "I hope you don't think I am being unreasonable but would you."

Disclaimers are introductory strategies that excuse, explain or request understanding or forbearance from the others. They often precede direct statements of opinion or requests or recommendations and soften the request by communicating tentativeness and uncertainty. For example, "this is just off the top of my head", "I may be wrong", "I am no expert" and so forth.

4. Trivial Adjectives/Trite Or Fluffy Language

A. "Chris, I'm terribly sorry for calling you at home..."

B. "Oh, Chris just dreadful, what should we do?"

C. "Oh, Chris I'm afraid we did a "no no."

D. "Oh he didn't do the bibliography. He's so "naughty". I'm going to take this right back to her."

E. "Oh phooey-that's the group's way of thinking. I like to do my work and not waste all my time."

Trivial adjectives such as precious, darling, cute, awful, dreadful, terrible, when used at work or in professional contexts tend to create an impression in the minds of others of nonseriousness, and sometimes deference. To create a professional image and create an impression in the minds of others as one who has "power potential" the use of these expressions is best eliminated from one's strategic storehouse. They tend to communicate frivolity rather than forcefulness

COLLABORATIVE STRATEGIES

5. State Your Perspective--Stating Professional\Personal Goals/Responsibilities

A. "Our primary goals in research and development are to foster

creativity, we cannot do this in a really segmentalist

corporate environment."

B. "One of our important responsibilities as leader to foster

productivity as well as keep the team satisfied, I think we

should let Chris run with his idea and see where it leads."

C. "Our primary goals involves combating the stress of illness and buffering emotional distress..."

One can never really assume that the other person is aware of your goals. Hell, sometimes we are not even aware of our own goals, they remain tacit, and operating just below the level of consciousness, so how can we really expect others is to be aware of our goals, particularly in conflict situations, where there are usually differences, and emotions may be energized. This strategy promotes collaboration by stating the goals or responsibilities which are motivating your actions.

6. Statement Of Your Appraisal Or Perspective ON The Situation

A. "The patient appears is to be experiencing anxiety related is to persistent uncertainty and the potential threat of death."

B. It appears we have very different needs and goals, you want is to buy a racing bike and in return you say we can get some new kitchen cabinets, yet I don't think that this is an

very even compromise."

C. "I do not think it is fair that all of us get the same grade on this project." Is to me fairness, means that everyone is our group is treated justly and equitably". I want the

evaluation of individual members is to be fair.

7. Statement Of An Effected Parties Perspective Or Goals

A. "The patient would like the IV and the catheter removed as soon as possible."

B. "Laura feels that 207 is depriving her of her sleep, perhaps if had our next meeting in her room at 11. a.m. she wouldn't even have is to get out of bed."

C. "Albert thinks that should do a ground-breaking documentary on family communication in the 1990's for our 207 project, god that would really be insane, what do you think, let's

go for it."

Collaboration requires that all person's goals receive an equal hearing. Leaders must often resolve conflict in group. Leaders must often speak for the divergent points of view or perspective on the group.

8. Attempt Is to Get Other Is to Understand Another's Perspective

A. "I told Mr. Kasch that if he wasn't up for another procedure today it could be postponed. He has already had a bone scan and an MRI, don't you think that is enough for one day. It would be enough for me, wouldn't it be for you?

This strategy goes beyond simply stating another person's goals. It includes at least some attempt is to help others gain an understanding of the other's perspective. For example, a nurse often acquires considerable "person knowledge" due is to close or extended patient contact. A manager of a cross-department project team is likely is to have more person-knowledge of team members than other members of the team. A socio-emotional leader in 207 is likely is to have greater knowledge about the importance of a particularly issue is to an indidivual, how they are feeling about themselves and the group, ect; and information is one of the power resources which are useful in resolving and managing conflict.

9. Eliciting Or Requesting The Other's Perspective, Goals Or Opinion

A. " are doing everything can is to accommodate is to your schedule

and get you involved in this project, what would you do if you

were in our position."

B. "I do not think that medication "A" alone will be sufficient is to accomplish our goals. It has been my experience that when used in combination with medication "B" will usually produce desirable outcomes. What has your experience been?"

When a persons is a collaborator partner in a relationship or a project team it is both their right and their responsibility is to understand the reasoning and rationale underlying the other person's position or motivating their actions.

10. Granting The Legitimacy Of The Other's Perspective/Authority

A. "I know that you feel very strongly about your beliefs regarding the way a coronary care unit should be run." I know that you are under pressure and that your

position as a cardiovascular surgeon carriers with it a lot of responsibility."

B. "I understand (The Magic Words) Eric, but let's discuss this in a more private setting,I am concerned about Kasch overhearing and make us come in for one of those boring meeting in his office."

C. "I realize you've had a hard week, but I knew you'd want is to know about what need is to do for the 207 project on Tuesday"

One of the responsibilities of a person in a collaborative relationships to make a sincere effort is to understand the other person's goals, and let the other person know that you recognize their goals, and that there goals are indeed important and legitimate. This strategy often includes two magic words "I understand".

11. Repetition-Restate Your Position Or Assessment Of The Problem

One way is to avoid direct competition and potential conflict to restate your position or professional goals. The first time restate it as thought the other person did not hear what you said-it is certainly possible he or she was not listening. Most people are egocentric is to a certain extent, they tend is to see the world first from their own perspective or point of view. The next time repeat it using slightly different words, phrases, or terminology. This may prevent encounters escalating toward more competitive moves of communication and thus, increasing the potential for conflict. Don't be patronizing or condescending, "let me see, I'll try is to go slow and if you pay close attention maybe.....). This would be a competitive oneup-one-down relationship which would not foster collaboration, and as my Daddy always said "no body likes a smart ass."

12. Use Of Question Is to Suggest Alternative Courses Of Action

A. "Doctor, I am concerned about the effects of the morphine drip on our patient with the pancreatitis. Given the circumstances would medication x perhaps more appropriate given the circumstances?".

B. "Do you want is to try is to get your articles photocopied and questions generated by Sunday night."

C. Would it be a good idea if............

A suggestion is on strategy for making a request or recommendation. It is a collaborative strategy because it seeks confirmation from the other, usually defers decision-making responsibility is to the other, and keeps relational issues in the background. Suggestions are probably appropriate when you are trying is to influence medical decision-making. They are probably less appropriate when you are making nursing recommendations or proposing action is to accomplish nursing goals.

13. Use Of Question Is to Suggest Alternative Courses Of Action And Discussion Of Responsibility

A. Would it be a good idea if took Kasch's suggestion and had a social function for our first meeting, maybe can have some "manly" spaghetti over at George's or Chucks's?

B. "Word on the street deviant group members often get bounced out of their group and have is to write a 25 page paper, do you think you would be able is to make

it is to our next meeting...."

COMPETITIVE STRATEGIES

14. Statement Of Intention Is to Pursue One's Goals

A. "Given the circumstance I will inform Mr. Kasch that it is his choice. He can choose is to havethe procedures or they can be postponed. It is important that patient autonomy and choice I preserved".

B. I understand your reservations but I think will need is to proceed the video, without your contribution if you can not have it together by the day agreed upon.

C. I am going is to buy the bicycle, I think I deserve it, after all I am furnishing the primary source of income in this family.

15. Issue Recommendations, Orders, Or Directive

A. "Hey wait a minute. I recognize it is important for you is to talk "about" the patient, among yourselves, but I wish somebody would talk "is to" the patient. You see this person, she's in tears, and has no ideas what you're saying. I appreciate the fact your willing is to come back later and talk is to the patient, but I recommend that someone stay and talk is to the patient now.

B. "Doctor, the patient has just begun eating. It is important is to all of us that the patient's nutritional goals be met" The patients food will be cold and unappetizing if she waits is to eat until you complete your examination. You will need is to postpone your examination until Ms.Killebrew has had a opportunity is to finish her meal."

C. You will need is to get your part of the project completed, there can be no exceptions and no more delays. Everyone else is depending on you, not is the time where have is to test our

commitment is to the group and is to each other"

16. Argue For The Effectiveness Of Your Position Based On Experience, Knowledge, Or Skill

A. "Doctor, I recommend that change order X. It has been my experience that in this situation changing is to order Y would eliminate Z effects. The patient is in considerable discomfort. This is what I think should do and why. I do know will need is to take action immediately."

B. "I would like is to give you a report on the patient's condition. I do not think the patient is responding well is to the treatment. Judging from my own professional experience with this type of situation, I recommend that the current treatment program be modified in the following manner..."

C. We should hire Chris, he seems is to have the knowledge, the skill, and the motivation necessary is to meet the demands the position.....

D. have decided is to proceed with a realistic video rather than a humorous or surrealistic video for the following reasons x, y, and z.

18. Engaging In Reciprocal Conversational Behavior

Interruptions--It is often suggested that interruptions are one tactic people use is to exert control of a conversation and exert power over others. When interruptions are used by others is to cut short your turn at talk and prevent your from stating your position, it may be necessary is to use interruptions in order is to insure your voice is heard.